Uncharted Territory

    If anything I have heard the phrase ever since March of we are entering "uncharted territory" as we begin our school year this year.  I have to say as we finished our school year last year we were in the same boat.  So what are my feelings on all of this.  Well anxiety.  

    I wish that I could be more relaxed about this coming year.  In my head I didn't have this as a possibility as to what my teacher career would look like, but here we are.  So what am I anxious about.  My number 1 concern is the health of my children.  I know that my older children even if they were to catch this horrible disease would be terrible and scary but I feel that they would recover.  They would be able to "bounce back" as they scientist have determined that healthy children seem to have very little effects or seriousness when it comes to this disease.  My youngest doesn't get to be in that same category.  She is in a category of her own.  We knew she was going to be special when she came into this world but now I have the risk of her life on my shoulders.  As we came closer to registration and pondering what to do about our children and their plans for the school year and we tried to decide of they were going back in person on virtually it was worrisome to make a decision for her.  I lost sleep at night, I know surprise surprise.  After talking with her cardiologist who said she could return to school and her pediatrician who says keep her home, it makes you just question and worry about everything.  So we decided that we are going to virtual teach her for at least the 1st quarter and take this one step at a time.  

    I am also anxious about my role in her health what if I were to bring something home to her or one of the other children, so there's another layer of worry.  These are crazy times for sure.  I worry about the health and well being of the students I will have in my classroom.  What is this going to look like for them?  Are they going to understand that school is NOT going to look or feel the same as it did 6-7 months ago?  How am I going to get them to understand this?  I will have older children so I feel like I have a blessing in that respect but still it makes me worry about what could happen.  

    Politics and all of that other junk aside.  I'm worried.  I fear for our students and their families, I fear for their lives.  Wow to even type that is just scary.  I am tried of people saying "this is all made up, this is scare tactics, this is nothing to be concerned about."  You obviously don't have anyone in your direct path of caring that is "high risk" to have so a nonchalant attitude about all of this.  It's scary, truly truly scary.  I don't have an answer for any of this.  I can only hope and pray.  I don't like feeling like this.  I don't like worrying about the safety of everyone that I care about, even my students who I don't even know yet, I'm concerned about.  

    I just don't like this uncharted world we are in.  The only advice I can give myself it one step at a time, one day at a time, one decision at a time and don't overthink.  

Welcome 2020!  I am so excited for this year to start!!!  I can say that if you would have told me two years ago or even 4 years ago that in exactly 9 days from now you will be a teacher!  I would have laughed and said "never, I don't like children."  But it turns out I LOVE CHILDREN!  I have been bitten by the teaching bug and I can't WAIT TO START!  It's been a journey let me tell you and I can't decide if I should include that part of the journey or if I should not.  So let me give you a little bit about my back story. 

So when I first started attending college University of Southern Indiana, yes I picked a school so I could be close to my boyfriend.  My major was "elementary education."  Well anyone that knows when you go to school you first start out in a variety of different core classes that have nothing to do with your major.  Well I not only had classes that were not in my major my first semester I had classes that didn't count towards anything because my testing for school was SOOOOOO low!   So I ended up in basic match classes to teach me the basics of math that I didn't have knowledge.  That was so helpful.  I learned to go to the math tutoring place to get help and I LOVED my math teacher, she made it so easy for me to learn.  I would go in and do my homework just because it was easy to ask questions right away and get the help I needed.  Then I had to take How to Study classes but my reading test scores were bad too.  This class I would say wasn't very helpful.  It just wasn't.  But anyway the 2nd semester they explain that I was going to have to take new testing in order to get your license and that you had to pass them to get your license.  Well I am a HORRIBLE test taker like it's like my brain doesn't connect or keep anything in it long term so I was nervous.  So I decided to switch out of that and go into Advertising.  Because they didn't have tests and it looked like a good career. Fast forward 2 years and my boyfriend was graduating college (yes we lasted all that time) and so it was time for me to pick a new school b/c I wasn't planning on staying so far away from everything.  So I choose Purdue.  So I transferred there. 

Comparatively the schools were nothing alike the "friendliness" that I had loved at USI wasn't found at Purdue even the professors weren't human, but I kept telling myself to push on and then you can be done.  Well at Purdue you had to take more math classes for my major and at USI I was done, no problem so I felt ready for those classes b/c I had gained so many skills from USI.  Well Stats and math are two different categories.  So my plan of going to the tutoring place was incredibly short lived because the people "helping" were complete snobs and they weren't interested in helping anyone in that was on my level of math, they were much interested in help those in higher classes so after two visits there I stopped going.  I did the best I could but I can say my perfect 4.0 from USI was now lower b/c of a C in that class.  I was disappointed but what could I do it's was part of the major and school I choose.  Fast forward 2.5 years and I'm done, I graduated and received a BA in Communications (they didn't have Advertising as a major, this was a close and I could get.   So I started my journey into the working world.

I found a job doing something that wasn't even remotely like Advertising but instead it was Social Work and then the series of jobs and countless moving around started.  It was terrible after about 6 months I was ready to find a new job in almost every job I was ever placed it.  I didn't find things challenging I was stressed b/c I always found "faults" in every place I worked at and quite frankly just wasn't satisfied. 

In the meantime I managed to get married and have 4 kids with my boyfriend, that's right I married him.  So after almost 16 years of struggling to find a job (that I liked) and two states later, I decided to be a stay at home mom.    Our youngest was born with some major health problems so it was the best move for us.  But you guessed it even being a stay at home mom I wasn't happy I felt guilty for not contributing to the family and feeling like I was "sucking" away precious resources while staying at home, so it was NOT good.  So then I was able to start subbing at the elementary school that my kids attended.  I didn't do it more than 3 times per week, just b/c my MIL was my babysitter and my goal was not to pass off my "duties" to her but instead find a balance.  Something that would help me (my sanity) and help our family.  So after subbing for almost 6 months I couldn't believe how much FUN it was.  I had the best time working with the kids and it was so much fun.  I looked into going back to school for nursing or teaching.  I couldn't decide what should be the right path but ultimately teaching is where I felt had my calling.  It was amazing.  So I did land a Permanent Instructional Assistant position at the school so that was wonderful, and I arranged daycare for my daughter so my MIL wouldn't have to do it all, it was wonderful.  So I started taking the entrance exams for teaching, you have to take these Core tests (the same tests that USI had mentioned years ago that I was too scared to attempt).  So I managed to pass them all and I started my schooling.  This time is was through Indiana Wesleyan University.  It was a two year program that was all online and so I was able to work as well as complete my assignments.  It was a good gig that's for certain. 

Well so I worked through the program and I managed to change school systems due to a change in our location.  My husband and I bought a new house so that meant we needed to change school systems.  So we were now going to be at a different School Corp.  I was able to find another Instructional Assistant position there, so it was all good.  I was able to finish my schooling and work around kids schedules.  I just finished my certification and passed all my testing.  I didn't figure that I would land a job since I knew I would be finishing 1/2 through the school year, but as you can tell from the first paragraph of this story, I did.  So I'm in a temporary contract for the rest of the school year. 

I can't tell you how excited I am for the opportunity.  I feel like this is my calling and I'm mad at myself for waiting so long, but I have to say the timing wouldn't have been as right as it is now.  This is going to be a big year for me.  I'm starting a new career and I turn 40.  So people might ask me "why in the world would I go into teaching?"  Honestly it has never felt so "right" before.  I have had lots of experience working in the wrong jobs and never feeling satisfied but throughout my experience working at the school I have felt it call to me and the pull is there.  I know that there are so many people that say that teaching is so different and the changes are for the worst which, that might be the case, but I can tell you, I don't know what it was like before.  So are the schools worse they could be, but I can tell you the world as a whole has changed, so it only makes sense that the schools would change more.  I think they are finding that schools have to change in order to meet the needs of the students and that's a motivating element for change.  After all we are there to meet the learning needs of our students and if your students come in hungry then how can you meet their learning needs if they can't concentrate b/c their bellies are empty.  So if anything I think schools have become more compassionate.  I know that testing and how the students learn has changed as well, well doesn't that make sense too I mean look at our world we learn differently than we once did so it stands to reason that our students would be changing as well.   I mean I could go on but I won't.  The fact of the matter is it's an exciting time for sure.  I can't wait for the challenge and I can't wait to see what the year brings.  So wish me luck.  I hope to update on here of different stories, challenges, and basically my life as I experience it.