Uncharted Territory

    If anything I have heard the phrase ever since March of we are entering "uncharted territory" as we begin our school year this year.  I have to say as we finished our school year last year we were in the same boat.  So what are my feelings on all of this.  Well anxiety.  

    I wish that I could be more relaxed about this coming year.  In my head I didn't have this as a possibility as to what my teacher career would look like, but here we are.  So what am I anxious about.  My number 1 concern is the health of my children.  I know that my older children even if they were to catch this horrible disease would be terrible and scary but I feel that they would recover.  They would be able to "bounce back" as they scientist have determined that healthy children seem to have very little effects or seriousness when it comes to this disease.  My youngest doesn't get to be in that same category.  She is in a category of her own.  We knew she was going to be special when she came into this world but now I have the risk of her life on my shoulders.  As we came closer to registration and pondering what to do about our children and their plans for the school year and we tried to decide of they were going back in person on virtually it was worrisome to make a decision for her.  I lost sleep at night, I know surprise surprise.  After talking with her cardiologist who said she could return to school and her pediatrician who says keep her home, it makes you just question and worry about everything.  So we decided that we are going to virtual teach her for at least the 1st quarter and take this one step at a time.  

    I am also anxious about my role in her health what if I were to bring something home to her or one of the other children, so there's another layer of worry.  These are crazy times for sure.  I worry about the health and well being of the students I will have in my classroom.  What is this going to look like for them?  Are they going to understand that school is NOT going to look or feel the same as it did 6-7 months ago?  How am I going to get them to understand this?  I will have older children so I feel like I have a blessing in that respect but still it makes me worry about what could happen.  

    Politics and all of that other junk aside.  I'm worried.  I fear for our students and their families, I fear for their lives.  Wow to even type that is just scary.  I am tried of people saying "this is all made up, this is scare tactics, this is nothing to be concerned about."  You obviously don't have anyone in your direct path of caring that is "high risk" to have so a nonchalant attitude about all of this.  It's scary, truly truly scary.  I don't have an answer for any of this.  I can only hope and pray.  I don't like feeling like this.  I don't like worrying about the safety of everyone that I care about, even my students who I don't even know yet, I'm concerned about.  

    I just don't like this uncharted world we are in.  The only advice I can give myself it one step at a time, one day at a time, one decision at a time and don't overthink.